Practical Tips to Help You Meet Your Duties While Reducing Stress
When a friend or family member asks if you would be the executor on their estate, it can bring some mixed feelings. On one hand, the fact that they came to you suggests that they trust in you and your ability to handle the job, and you might feel honored. On the other hand, this is a big responsibility which can come with a good deal of stress. Even simple estates require a commitment of time and effort that can quickly become overwhelming if you are not prepared. Whether you have taken on this role before, or you are an executor for the first time, it can be helpful to understand what will be expected of you, and to review some practical tips that can ease the burden you may face with this undertaking.
Understanding Your Role as an Executor
As an executor, you are responsible for carrying out a deceased’s wishes as they specified in their will. Ideally, when you are being asked to serve as an executor, you’ll have the opportunity to discuss what is written in the will and learn more about the scope of the estate. Any information or guidance you are able to gain in advance will help you to fulfill your job. This may include anything from special instructions regarding certain beneficiaries or the location where important account information and passwords are kept. In situations when a person has died without naming an executor in the will, the probate court will appoint one, usually prioritizing a close relative. If you find yourself in this position, the role can be even more challenging, as you will need to rely solely on the information contained in the will.
Executors have a fiduciary duty, which is a legal obligation to act in the best interest of the estate and you will have to carry out a number of time-consuming tasks. This may include filing paperwork with probate court, distributing assets to beneficiaries, paying off creditors, issuing notices of death and filing final tax returns. Even financially savvy individuals can find that it is overwhelming, and if you also happen to be an heir, it can be more stressful as you navigate this process.
Common Challenges Executors Face
Many times an executor is chosen because of their close relationship with the deceased, and with this comes the extra emotional burden of loss. When someone dies, it can feel like there is suddenly so much to do, all at once. While there are some things that must be handled within the first week, such as planning a funeral, ordering certified copies of the death certificate and securing the deceased’s home, it is also important to allow yourself time to grieve. In the coming months, in addition to managing the many legal and financial requirements of the estate, as an executor you may also need to play mediator between beneficiaries. Every family is different, but the combination of grief, money, and interpersonal dynamics has the potential to bring about conflict. As an executor, you will have no choice but to balance your personal feelings as you distribute assets according to the will.
Strategies to Minimize Burden and Stress
Start by reading through the will and having a conversation with the estate attorney. If there is a letter of direction included, it can help guide you.
- Create a calendar. There are many online checklists that can help you see the typical steps you will take throughout the process of settling the estate. These can be a good starting point to go from as you begin to understand the timeline involved.
- Gather all necessary documents and information. You will need to gather the will, insurance policies, tax returns, and a list of all accounts, debts, assets, and liabilities.
- Have a system in place to stay organized. As an executor, you have a big responsibility to ensure that the estate is handled properly. This is a process that can take anywhere from months to years to complete. Keep detailed records of everything you are doing. This includes all decisions, transactions, and accounting.
- Maintain transparency and communication. Establish a way to provide regular updates to beneficiaries and respond to any communications in a timely manner. This may help to prevent misunderstandings between family members throughout what can be a long and possibly frustrating period of time.
- Speak with a financial advisor. They can help you understand complex decisions that you may need to make. They can guide you throughout the process and make recommendations for when it might be appropriate to involve the assistance of an attorney or accountant.
Tools and Resources to Help Executors
No two estates are exactly alike, so the usefulness of a one-size-fits-all tool might be limited. There are several ways to get more customized assistance:
- Use a guidebook or online checklist to stay on track. There can be a steep learning curve involved in being able to successfully handle all the tasks required of an executor. It can be helpful to incorporate the use of checklists and planning guides. Select a resource that clearly breaks each step down into manageable sections and gives you detailed lists of what you must accomplish during each stage of the process.
- Get personalized advice when you are dealing with a complex estate. Maybe the deceased was a small business owner who had multiple employees, inventory, customers with contracts, and still had months left on a commercial lease agreement. Or you could have a scenario where multiple siblings are equally inheriting a house, but one wants to buy the property and issues can arise. Unless you are a professional executor, issues like these can quickly become too much to deal with as a layperson. It may be best to enlist the assistance of an experienced professional such as a financial advisor or estate attorney.
How Executors Can Prevent Burnout
Agreeing to become an executor is a big decision, but even when we thoroughly consider how much time and energy this will require, the level of stress it involves can catch us off guard. Grief alone can make the months, and possibly years, after our loved one’s passing a struggle. When you also become the one responsible for navigating family dynamics, being the point person for all information, and properly handling all financial and legal matters related to the estate, it can become too much. So, how can you balance all of this when you are an executor?
- Delegate when possible. In situations where there are co-executors, it’s easier to divide the big responsibilities. However, if you are the sole executor, you can still enlist the help of others to tackle many of the tasks you must accomplish. For instance, if you are managing a parent’s estate, you can ask your adult children to help you cancel subscriptions, secure the house, care for any pets, etc. The important thing is for you to ask for help when you need it and not attempt to handle everything on your own.
- Set boundaries. You might find that your relatives or other heirs are texting you, emailing, and leaving voicemails constantly as they look for information. If you attempt to respond to every contact with an immediate update, it will take a toll on you. There is a difference between responding to communications in a timely manner versus being on call all the time. Perhaps you can send out a brief periodic email outlining your progress and informing others of any important developments. You can help to manage expectations by keeping them updated with realistic timelines.
- Know when to step back. The role of executor is complex and challenging. It requires wearing many hats that can become cumbersome. You might find that you are having difficulty sleeping. Maybe you feel irritated, or you are having a hard time focusing on the task at hand. If the pressure of dealing with the loss of a loved one while trying to serve as executor of their estate becomes too much, ask for help. You can enlist the assistance of a financial advisor to help guide you through.
Serving as an executor can be a challenging role. The demands of this position can lead to burnout if you are not careful. However, by taking advantage of the tools and professional advice that are available, you can manage your stress as you work to help your loved one carry out their final wishes. If you would like to learn more about how we can help you, please contact us.
